Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Aiming for the Bullseye

I know that fat bottomed girls make the rockin' world go 'round (thank you, Brian May), but I have tired of being fat.  I say that as though one day I said to myself, "I think I'm going to try being fat for a while."  I didn't, but have on most occasions made the conscious decision to eat many foods which would only end up one way: with me being fat.  I say most occasions because there are those times when there's a bag of chips or buttery popcorn in the vicinity and I find myself mindlessly shoveling it into my mouth like my hand is a crane on auto-pilot or something.  Don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about; I've witnessed skinny people do this too. 

Let me get this out of the way right now: I don't care too much for politically correctness.  I don't think that people should be mean to one another, but that doesn't always go hand in hand with being pc.  I -- at this point in time -- do not use words such as "overweight" or "curvy" or "metabolically challenged" to describe myself.  I surpassed those descriptions long ago.  I'm a real big girl now.  Obese, plus-size, tubba tubba, rolie polie, bouncy, fat.  My husband is about seven inches taller than me, yet when we sit next to each other I appear taller than him.  Why?  Because of all of the padding I'm sitting on which is provided by my bottom. 

I don't think that people should take themselves or too many things in general too seriously, but at the same time, I don't want to, you know... die.  I mean, I know I have to die; I'm not trying to get out of that or anything.  But truth be told, if I could live to be old enough for my daughter to have to change my old granny nappies a few times, that would be great.  I know that a lot of bigger folk die young because their hearts get claustrophobic in there with all of that extra fat squishing them all up in their work space and they say, "Enough of this shyt,  I quit!"  I would really like to avoid that. 

There are things that I miss about being thinner; painting my toenails, sitting up on the first try without being bounced back to laying position (it takes me an average of three tries), having a chin that doesn't touch my neck, scratching my butt without straining myself. 

You might be looking at my profile photo up there in the top right-hand corner and saying to yourself, "But she doesn't look like she's that overweight."  Camera trickery, my friends, camera trickery.  It is all in the angle that the photo is taken at.  Now, let's take a look at the most recent photo of myself, which I didn't take myself.

My mother-in-law, myself, my daughter and all of the extended family doggies.

Ten years ago I was 113 pounds lighter than I am now.  That's like an entire skinny person that I'm carrying around with me wherever I go!  No wonder I get pooped so fast. 

2004:  Watch as I fearlessly stick my head into the mouth of a shark!

I would like to be that weight again, and heck, even two pounds lighter for good measure.  So my goal is to lose 115 pounds.  They say that the most healthy and realistic way to lose weight and keep it off is to lose 1 - 2 pounds per week, so that would put my goal date between December 1st, 2014 and January 8, 2016.  Okay, so I don't like the sounds of waiting until 2016 to reach my goal weight, but if I am steadily losing weight until then, it won't be so bad.  I'm not setting a definite goal date, I'm keeping it between these two dates.  I've found in the past that I've easily given up on my weight loss efforts if I don't meet my goal loss for a couple of weeks in a row and I feel I'm never going to catch up and reach my goal weight by my goal date.  So instead I am giving myself a range of dates as my goal.  Just think of it as a really big bullseye.

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